flamebroiler:

when you order regular fries and you get a few curly fries

image

kunty-perry:

when will the lies end, kevin?

brbjellyfishing:

fun prank: wake up during open heart surgery and sing don’t go breakin’ my heart to the surgeon

cumleak:

"i’ll be speaking with my lawyer" is the adult version of saying "im telling mom"

dumbasschronicles:

catesstrophe:

today a dude slammed my finger on accident because he was closing a metal drawer i had my fingers in and i was on drive through and i literally screamed into the headset and the lady just kept ordering her drink as i was trying to hush down three different LOUD MEN SAYING “OH MY GOD WHAT DID HE DO TO YOUR HAND”

she just kept going 

i screamed into a headset and she just kept going

working in customer service

fernlets:

"hate breeds hate" = "i am attempting to absolve my guilt as a privileged person by shifting the blame to you, the marginalized person, for your own oppression, and thereby invalidating your anger at having your life controlled by a system that privileged people put in place to disadvantage you in several areas"

baeddelbludd:

LIFE HACK: disguise your nervous breakdown as a series of jokes

happywater:

fun alternatives for the word penis:

  • doodle
  • nana
  • flajiggly 
  • pnus
  • scoodler
  • man-dingle
  • shmeckle
  • tinkler
  • lil boi gets rowdy
  • butt stabber
  • big d and the boys
  • lake flaccid

illckr:

homealonethree:

AMERICANS: name every single canadian province

Hoenn Johto Kanto Sinnoh Unova Kalos

tommarvalo:

marvel’s got movies planned out for the next fourteen years god damn i don’t even know what i’m going to be doing in an hour…

hate:

im only 17 and ive already had like 3 mid-life crises

iguanamouth:

two UNUSUAL HOARD commissions for matt, i never want to draw another spoon in my entire life (but breakfast sounds great)